you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
