the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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