You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I DEMAND FORESKIN
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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