he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
