oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
