Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
