Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
