no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
