Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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