I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
