I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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