I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
