I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So squirting runs in the family.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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