Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
