it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
