roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
