you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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