I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
