I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
