This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
