bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
