she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
