If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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