I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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