you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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