Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
