I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
