we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
