But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
