so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
