I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
