You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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