We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Too much gin, very little bucket
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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