i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
