You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
