My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
