Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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