We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
