Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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