So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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