I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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