Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
