You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
