I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize