So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize