whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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