Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
