If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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