pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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