she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
