I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
