Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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