Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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