Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
