is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
