i just sent this text using only my big toe
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
