also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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