I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
