should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
