I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
