Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
