The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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