you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who died my cat blue again?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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