Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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