I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
