I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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