chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
