I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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