last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
