I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
