Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
