How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
