are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
